Ideas & Trends

We are saying "I Do" in an age where just about everything wedding-related can be done electronically, from the invitations to the photo album. Before we know it, couples will be text-messaging their vows to one another instead of saying them aloud, and will spend their honeymoons enjoying copious amounts of cyber-sex. Wait a minute…there is such a thing as too much technology, isn’t there? I would argue that there are at least two places (besides the honeymoon suite) where electronic communication should play no role in your nuptials: At the altar, and in place of hand-written thank-you notes for gifts. (All together now: "Do I haaave to?") Well yes, you must pick up the pen and here’s the short reason why: Because it’s personal, and a wedding is a personal affair.

If your co-worker, college buddy, pervy uncle, or whomever, took the time to peruse your registry and choose just the right colander that you’ve always dreamed of, or instead was generous enough to cut you a check (ka-ching!), you owe them at least the five minutes and the stamp that it will cost you to send them a note of gratitude. And even if they decided that instead of following your registry guidelines they would give you a crystal peacock toilet paper cover that is probably a re-gift anyway, or if the check was only for five bucks, you still need to write a note. Not an email. Not a text message along the lines of: THX 4 PL8S (if you do this, I will hunt you down and take your pl8s right out of your house). Write. A. Letter. On. Paper. But wait! Before you start groaning and refuse to read further, I am about to provide you with some tips to make the process more efficient, and less of a pain-in-the-newlywed-derriere than you think it will be.

Tip #1: Make it a team effort
Traditionally, the bride bears most of the burden of this job, but this is one place where I think tradition should go out the window. The groom should pull equal (or close to it) weight here, especially if both members of the happy couple are equally busy outside of the home. Many men will claim not to know what to write in a thank-you note, but the title alone is pretty self-explanatory. The rest of it I’ll cover in a bit. Don’t let him fool you, ladies: He can do this.

Tip #2: Stay on top of the Job
As the gifts trickle in before the big day, jot a note each time you receive one. This way, when the bulk of the haul is collected after the honeymoon, you will have gotten a good start on it already.

Tip #3: Get your ducks in a row
Try to attack the job in an organized fashion. Keep a record of your guest list and addresses, with a space for a gift and thank-you record. (Excel works well for this task.) Also, if you have space, designate a small area in your home for writing notes so that you always have paper, pen and stamps handy. This way if you have an extra five minutes here or there, you can get a note or two out of the way quickly.

Tip #4: You don’t need to be a comedian…or a liar.
If your Grandmother gave you a meaningful family heirloom or a boatload of cash, she probably deserves a thoughtful, personal expression of your gratitude. However, for most people, a simple acknowledgement of their thoughtfulness is fine. Don’t worry about injecting humor, creativity or claiming to love that statuette of the cat wearing a cowboy hat.

Here are some general points to help outline your note:

• Express your gratitude for the gift.
• If you like the gift, or it’s from your registry, assure the sender that you will treasure or use it for years to come.
• If they gave you money, tell them what goal you will use it toward, such as buying a house. If you’re actually going to use it to buy chaps for the bedroom in order to "keep things spicy", then good for you but please make something up for pity’s sake.
• If you didn’t like the gift, describe it with a neutral adjective such as unique, and praise their thoughtfulness.
• Thank them for being a part of your special day. Or, if they weren’t there, tell them that you hope they’re well, and that you will see them soon. Yes, even if you would sooner schedule an unnecessary root canal. So I guess you should be just a little bit of a liar.

Now get to work!