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Wedding Blog

Shhh...It's a Secret.

by Sydney Barbara Metrick of Chicken Soup Counseling

Photography by Milton Gil Photographers - see more at www.miltongil.com

I’ve had a number of couples contact me to perform their wedding ceremony who have already, in fact, tied the knot. In recent years, marrying before the originally planned ceremony date is not at all uncommon. Reasons range from insurance purposes to immigration issues or maybe it was simply a spur of the moment decision. Whatever the case, invariably these couples wanted the fact that they were already married to remain a secret.

If the couple's goal was just to celebrate the marriage with their community, a party would have served. But there is something about the elaborate, dramatic presentation of a union that makes the commitment real in everyone's eyes. A wedding is a rite of passage and marking it with a ceremony is one way to lock the relationship into the big idea of what marriage means.

A couple that has been married for a period of time, sometimes years, before the actual wedding ceremony truly understands what being married means. To outsiders, however, it appears they are simply living together and cohabiting is not always taken seriously--no matter how long the period of time spent together.

If this is your story, don’t think you need to “tone things down” for your wedding because you’ve already been hitched. The symbolism of your wedding day is powerful and important. This is your big day to celebrate!

I DO : A Guide To Creating Your Own Unique Wedding

I Do adapts traditions and creates new options to help couples personalize their wedding ceremonies. by Sydney Barbara Metrick Buy The Book www.ChickenSoupCounseling.com

Sydney Barbara Metrick Chicken Soup Counseling April 16, 2008

Comments

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    • African bush Wedding
    • 04-16-2008   09:54 PM (PST)
    • I've always known that some people actually get married legally then keep it a secret because of different reasons. Another reason would be that if you intend to have a wedding in a foreign country like Africa then you are better off married first in your home country because Marriage laws in most African countries do not favour the woman or bride in the event of a divorce.
    • Reply      
    • Sydney Metrick
    • 05-09-2008   01:20 PM (PST)
    • Thank you for that. I always appreciate information that enhances what I already know.
    • Reply      
    • Mel
    • 09-05-2008   10:45 AM (PST)
    • The same can be said of other foreign locales. Another reason for foreign destination wedding couples to do the secret ceremony is because of the requirements of various countries. In some European countries, residency must be established for 30 or more days. It is also easier to marry locally than to hope that the regulations in another country have not changed leaving you in the lurch or that they aren't recognized in your own country. A friend of mine had this happen and had to marry again when they got back home.
    • Reply      
    • Jon
    • 04-16-2008   11:27 PM (PST)
    • All you have to do is figure out what you really want and how to make it happen..... Here you will get the best solution.
    • Reply      
    • Shadi Ganjavian-connor
    • 04-17-2008   12:29 PM (PST)
    • It is hard working out what you really want for your big day. Some of my clients start of requesting merely a celebration and then end up changing their minds and having a full blown wedding.

      it is once in a life time, and it is every girls dream to have the most amazing day. We pride ourselves in our work and consider ourselves extremely lucky to be involved in organizing so many gorgeous weddings!
    • Reply      
    • Amanda
    • 04-18-2008   05:40 AM (PST)
    • We are getting married and then having the ceremony about a year later. We are keeping it secret from our families. I'm trying to figure out who will preside over our ceremony? I don't want to pay someone who's legit since we will already been married. I need someone who will go along with it. Any ideas?
    • Reply      
    • Sydney Metrick
    • 04-29-2008   07:44 AM (PST)
    • To Annie and Amanda:
      I've performed a good number of ceremonies for couples already married. All were lovely ceremonies that everyone enjoyed. No bad luck befell them. Weddings are a time of so much love and beauty that those energies carry the day.
      As for paying someone to preside over a ceremony when you are already married--the most important considerations are having words you love, and someone who can carry off the coordination and the performance of the ceremony. A professional officiant will know how to do this. However, if you can write the ceremony, design the logistics, and you have a friend who is a great performer, you may choose that route.
    • Reply      
    • annie
    • 04-23-2008   03:43 PM (PST)
    • im already married and want to get married but my sister says that you are not suppose to remarry again cause its bad luck.now im the older person should i believe what she says,cause she says it will be a bad wedding and everything will go wrong.what you say
    • Reply      
    • Abigail
    • 07-03-2008   10:39 AM (PST)
    • My husband and I had a very small, casual, and intimate ceremony June 2007. It was not our original plan, but we are very happy with the way things turned out. We are however, planning a bit bigger celebration June 2008 and having our marriage blessed by a priest (which we didn't have the first time around) and have a reception. Our priest is honored to perform our ceremony. We are not keeping our celebration planning a secret because we have no reason to. Some people (mostly women) have been catty and asking why we are having a "wedding" when we are already married. We are very proud to say we are already legally married, but still somewhat want our "wedding feel" that we didn't have the first time. I understand some couples keeping it a secret for their own personal reasons and I truly respect that. As for us, our families and friends know and everyone is honestly excited about helping us plan for our extended special day.
    • Reply      
    • Mel
    • 09-05-2008   10:39 AM (PST)
    • I was already married and had a lot of issues with getting the divorce and therefore have been waiting a long time to get married to my fiance. Due to not being able to plan a 'show' wedding with no actual date we have not been able to do anything for a family and friends wedding until very recently. We both know that it will take a while to plan so we decided to go the JoP route here in town so we could finally stop waiting and then do the traditional wedding in 2010 which allows everyone time to save for travel and time for us to plan. We had considered keeping it a complete secret but are actually letting a few people that will not use it againstour wedding know.
    • Reply      

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