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Ideas & Trends

Who Gives This Woman?

by Sydney Barbara Metrick of Chicken Soup Counseling

Bride walking down aisle with mom and dad
Photography by Cameron Ingalls - see more at www.cameroningalls.com

A twenty-first century woman has a life radically different than that of her ancestors. Today's women drive cars, own their own businesses and homes, and travel the world alone. When a woman marries today it is rarely to forge a relationship between families or countries. Couples choose each other and marry because they love each other and wish to have a life-long partnership.

So the tradition of the father of the bride giving his daughter to the groom is rather outdated. The bride is no longer considered to be anyone's "property." Yet, it is still common for a woman to make that walk down the aisle accompanied by her father. This practice is now more of a way of giving honor to the father. Some brides choose to walk in with both parents. I've done weddings where the groom walked in with his parents and the bride entered with hers. There was one occasion where each member of the couple entered surrounded by all the immediate family members.

Of course, when the parents have married, divorced and remarried, planning who to include in the processional can be quite a challenge. Fortunately, as with other aspects of the ceremony, there are no rules. There are many ways to honor parents, if that is the goal. And if you want to keep it simple, it is fine to walk in as a couple--just the two of you.

I DO : A Guide To Creating Your Own Unique Wedding

I Do adapts traditions and creates new options to help couples personalize their wedding ceremonies. by Sydney Barbara Metrick Buy The Book www.ChickenSoupCounseling.com

Sydney Barbara Metrick Chicken Soup Counseling November 30, 2007

Comments

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    • LauraB
    • 11-30-2007   07:37 PM (PST)
    • How true. My parents are divorced and I'm not close to my father. So, I had my maternal grandmother walk me. Best decision I ever made.

      But love the idea of having both bride and groom being walked in by their parents.
    • Reply
    • Cerise
    • 12-01-2007   10:47 PM (PST)
    • I always seem to cry when I read about fathers walking their baby girl down the isle. That has always been a desire of my heart, but only one short year ago, my father passed away suddenly, unfortunatly before he had the chance to give me away. I had always wanted, actually, both of my parents to walk me down the isle, but now that Dad is gone, I have asked not only my mother to do me the honor, but my only living Grandfather, my Dads father to walk me down the isle in honor of my Dad. I think this is going to be such a beautiful thing for us!
    • Reply
    • Sydney
    • 12-17-2007   06:30 PM (PST)
    • It's so good to read all the responses. The best wedding is one that makes you feel good. Traditions have their place, but the important thing is to decide what is right for you. Family relationships can be complicated. I applaud you all for choosing from the heart and speaking to your family members with integrity.
    • Reply
    • LaToya
    • 12-03-2007   05:14 PM (PST)
    • i am not close with my dad. I am now 28 yrs old, and we just started getting closer. One reason is, he has colon cancer, and is now trying to reach out. He was shocked that even after all the years he was never there, that I still wanted him in my life.
      I am not a vengeful or hateful person. I was not raised that way. I him his chance and he took it.
      When i told him he is not walking me down thw aisle, he said he is ok with it. Gave me a hug and kiss and said he knows why, and he's not mad.
      Now we talk everyday. He is happy and sad, but grateful in the same.
    • Reply
    • Pricela
    • 12-12-2007   09:18 AM (PST)
    • I have been struggling with this issue for months! My dad and I have never been close. My childhood was not good, and a big part of that was due to him. I have had reservations about him walking me down the isle since I can remember! I just don't know how to bring this up to him.
      We are just now starting to get close, but I still don't really want him walking me down the aisle.
      This was encouraging for me!
    • Reply
    • Nicole
    • 01-29-2008   09:32 PM (PST)
    • I am not close with either my father or step father, so I'm having my younger brother walk me down the aisle and then when we get to front of the church, my entire family will remain standing and all say "we do" in unison when the officiant asks who gives me away. then EVERYONE is included
    • Reply
    • Kathryn
    • 07-29-2008   01:18 AM (PST)
    • I see alot of us are alike in that we're not too close to our dad(s).

      I decided about two years ago that I would have both of my younger brothers walk me down the isle. They are the closest men I have in my life, besides my fiance, so I felt they should be the ones to give me away. They have always been there for me through everything, and I can't say that for either my dad or stepdad.

      I already told my stepdad and he said he is fine with whatever makes me happy. But I'm waiting to tell my dad, I think he will take it a little harder. So I plan on doing that face to face (he lives on the other side of the country)
    • Reply
    • Minister Keith
    • 09-10-2008   08:04 AM (PST)

    • I applaud all of the posts on this site. It takes a brave person to stand by their convictions depsite the fact that it could hurt feelings. You should all give yourselves a well-deserved pat on the back!!!
    • Reply

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