Wedding Blog

Most often, this is a dilemma that the bride alone must consider. However, in this day and age pretty much anything is possible, including the groom changing his name…so these pointers are intended for both of you to contemplate. When I got married, both my husband and I changed our names because he had grown up with a hyphenated last name and we wanted to share the same name, but there was no way I was taking on somebody else's hyphen (more on this sore subject later). So he dropped his mother's last name, and we both use his father's family name now. There are numerous ways to play the modern version of the name-game, so choose the strategy that best suits your style. Most importantly, remember that it's your name, and you alone have to live with it, so don't worry about what others think - especially members of the older generation, who may raise a disapproving eyebrow if you make an unconventional decision. Here are a few of the options that are out there, from the traditional to the unusual.

1. The wife takes her husband's family name.
   This is still the most frequent choice. The wife then must decide if she wants to keep her maiden name as a middle name or lose it altogether. Many women also continue to use their maiden name professionally.
2. Nobody changes a thing.
   The wife keeps her maiden name, the husband keeps his, and they live happily ever after with different surnames. Some people worry that if they choose to have children it could cause some confusion if they don't both have the same last name as their kids. However, this is only a minor inconvenience these days, since it's so common for children to have different last names than one parent.
3. The old Hyphen-And-Go trick.
   Both bride and groom hyphenate their two names together, or just one - usually the bride - hyphenates. If you choose to go this route, which is an understandable compromise, I have only one request: Don't pass the hyphen on to the next generation. What happens if little Billy Luvmy-Hyphen wants to marry adorable Susie Howbout-Ewe? Do their children become Ben and Janie Luvmy-Hyphen-Howbout-Ewe? I implore you: Choose the surname of one parent, and bestow that upon the kids. This is just a personal opinion of course, but it's entirely correct and therefore not up for discussion.
4. Make up an entirely new last name for both of you.
   This could be fun. The sky's the limit! Some couples choose to create an amalgamation of their existing names, while others simply pick a new one at random. Emma and Sam Pizzalovers, anyone?
5. The husband takes his wife's family name.
   This is far less common than any of the above options, but it does happen, and many people have been very happy with this choice. The same options apply to the husband in this scenario as illustrated in option number one for the wife.

If either or both of you choose to change your name, here is what you have to do to make it official according to The Man:

1. For a woman, no procedure aside from signing your new name on your marriage license is necessary to make the change legal. When you file the marriage license, order extra certified copies of it to give to Social Security, the DMV, etc. to get those official documents changed.
2. For a man, additional court papers will probably be necessary to change your name. Contact a local lawyer or the Social Security Office to find out your state's regulations.
3. Contact Social security 1-800-772-1213 to request paperwork for new SS card, or go to your local SS office with your marriage license (or court papers) to do the deed.
4. Go to the DMV with your new SS card and a copy of your marriage license in order to get a new driver's license. Call ahead to find out what all is required in your state to prove that you've legally changed your name. Do the same with the passport office.
5. Finally, the best part: Contact everybody and their mom who needs to reach you by name with your new information. Basically, you should plan on making approximately 200,000 copies of your marriage license at Kinko's and just sending them out at random to anyone you've ever given your name to during adulthood including your credit card companies, banks, frequent flier programs, insurance companies, etc. And a fun bonus: You should call all of these companies first to make sure they don't require anything beyond an unofficial copy of your marriage license or court papers, and a written request to change the name on the account. I am convinced that the reason so many divorcees retain their married name is because it's too much of a pain in the you-know-what to go through all of this again. Enjoy!