Ideas & Trends

Whether you are one half of the Happy Couple, a member of the wedding party or you simply imbibe too much champagne in the vicinity of a microphone, you may find yourself offering a toast at a rehearsal dinner or wedding reception. Here are a few "Do's and Don'ts" to help you prepare for what can be a daunting task, particularly if you don't naturally gravitate toward the spotlight:

• DO introduce yourself and give a quick explanation of your relationship to the bridal couple.
  Even if you're the Maid of Honor and your name was in the program, it doesn't hurt to re-introduce yourself and clarify your relationship to the Bride and Groom. Begin your speech by saying something along the lines of, "Hello, everyone. I'm Collected McCool, the Maid of Honor and an old friend of Bridey McLovely. We played soccer/ sang in the choir /took an underwater basket weaving class together in 5th grade and have been friends ever since." Then begin your toast. This allows the other guests to place you in the context of the group, which keeps the mood intimate no matter how many are present.
• DON'T use "You had to be there" stories, or inside jokes.
  If your toast requires a "Maybe you had to be there" disclaimer, or includes some otherwise inaccessible information, STOP. Guess what? They weren't there. Unless you can re-create the scene quickly and in an engaging way, and move swiftly to a meaningful conclusion, you will lose the majority of your audience with this kind of speech. The few guests that are 'in the know' will have to stop listening to you in order to whisper hurried explanations to the outsiders around them, who will be trying to fill the uncomfortable silence with confused courtesy laughs. While personal stories are great, make sure they can be appreciated without having been present.
• DO be brief, be sincere, and be seated. Leave them wanting more!
  Keep it quick and simple…three or four minutes is perfect. It's worth it to practice before the event, to get your timing down. This will also help alleviate some of your jitters. If you feel like you still might get nervous and forget the charming and witty things that you plan to say, feel free to write notes and refer to them when you speak. The psychological crutch alone of having something in writing (along with a nerve-steeling cocktail…but not six) can help calm your butterflies.
• DON'T overdo the roast.
  Keep it in good humor, and remember that you're here because you love your roast victim…not because you want to truly humiliate him. Try to end on a positive note. For example, if Joe Groom has historically made some questionable impulse decisions in his past, you may want to rib him about a couple specific ones and then congratulate him on having chosen a bride of indisputable merit to make up for them. This is preferable to, "That 1977 Dodge Dart that you bought with your first paycheck was a pretty ugly money pit, Joe. Hope you can't say the same thing about your wife in five years. Cheers."
• DO make sure the toast is appropriate in mixed company.
  By 'mixed company', I mean that you can be sure Sweet Granny will be there with her hearing aid turned up to full volume…and new batteries to boot. So don't pollute her enjoyment of this special occasion by telling the world about her perfect granddaughter doing something tawdry in nature or otherwise un-granddaughterly; that business should have been taken care of at the Bachelor/Bachelorette Party. There will also probably be children in your audience, so try to steer clear of off-color comments or jokes that you wouldn't tell directly to a ten-year-old.
• DON'T talk about past girlfriends/boyfriends or relationship blunders.
  This topic definitely falls into the category of 'Things that should be covered at the Bachelor/Bachelorette Party or not at all'. No matter how good your intentions, this whole subject is basically a minefield of no-no's that's best left alone.
• DO remember that it's always safe to wrap up with a fitting wedding quotation.
  It's also absolutely permissible to offer only a quote or proverb, if you would rather keep your toast really short and sweet. Here are a few timeless ones to think about: