1. Drunken toasts by your friends, which are completely inappropriate in mixed company
What do you mean your eighty year-old grandmother didn't hear that hilarious "public nudity arrest" story from college? Don't worry - after a couple (dozen, in some cases) celebratory cocktails, your friends will clear up that oversight during their heartfelt toasts to you. Just so you know, during these toasts you are expected to remain gracefully composed and smiling sweetly, because everyone will be staring at you while you're sure they're wondering how you had the audacity to wear white. Your friends are also likely to mention any or all of the following: previous lapses in romantic judgment (How could you have forgotten about "Slade" from the Metallica cover band? They didn't…), lapses in judgment with your beloved groom ("Officer, we were just looking for my contact lens in the back seat; we thought it might have been stuck to our clothes…") or any other general stumbles along the way to becoming the charming, sophisticated woman that you will (pretend to) be on your wedding day.
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